Picture the Savannas that lie between the Sahara desert and the rain forests near the equator and the plateaus of East Africa. It is in those fruitful grasslands that all manner of beasts must come to forage for food. It is there that each creature must risk the very life it has come to nourish and sustain in it's quest for food. The meek, though agile, vegetarians must mingle with the vicious and cunning carnivores. This daily struggle matches brain and brawn in a never ending batter for survival Just as the careful and cunning survive on the Savannas, so do the careful and cunning humans survive their hunts in the supermarkets of the world.
There seems to be an unwritten set of rules that apply not only to wildlife foraging on the Savannas, but to human wildlife foraging in supermarkets as well. For example, only a foolish jackal would deliberately cut off a pack of hungry lionesses as they huddle over a fresh kill. So it is at the meat display case in supermarkets. Only the foolish crowed their way into a group of aggressive shopper pawing through the huge stacks of newly packaged meats...it's not so much a matter of courtesy as it is common sense.
The wise meek animals always yield to the more aggressive ones. That rule applies both in the wilderness and in the supermarket. It is an insightful shopper who wheels her shopping cart to one side of the isle and allows a more aggressive shopper to pass. Only those oblivious to the laws of nature crowd out or cut off fierce competitors. Men, oh poor poor men. They have no chance of surviving a trip to the supermarket unscathed. The poor things always have a look of a terrified fawn about to be taken down by a Jaguar. I've seen vicious corporate executives flatten themselves against cans of soup in order to escape being mowed down by an aggressive shopper wielding a lethal shopping cart. Actually, I've been right there beside them at times.
Here, in my own gentle, peaceful, small country community, we have honed our survival skills to the max. We have taken our hunting etiquette to the highest levels of society. It's referred to as "The One-Handed Cart Exchange." It does require a bit of skill and is not for amateurs , but with practice one can execute the relay quite cleverly.
Here's how it works: After a shopper leaves the store with a cart full of carefully hunted bounty, the next step is to agilely transfer the items from the cart to ones vehicle. This act is usually done with one hand because the other hand is needed to steady the cart in order to keep it from rolling away and flattening an innocent little old lady. The very skilled have been observed using both hands to unload the bounty while steadying the cart with one or even both feet (Important Note: This should only be done by the very skilled. It's not for beginners.)
Once the bounty has been transferred to the vehicle you are left standing with an empty cart somewhere in the middle of the parking lot. At this point, and quite within the rules of the skilled hunter/gatherer's, you may choose to do one of three things. You may: leave the cart standing in the middle of the parking lot in reckless abandonment and accept the disdainful glares of other more skilled hunters. You may push the cart into a "cart return" stall which is generally nowhere within a mile of your parked vehicle and hope and pray someone from the medical profession is nearby to administer CPR when you collapse from exhaustion. OR, you may opt for the more common "One Handed Cart Exchange" maneuver."
It works this way: As a fresh new hunter approaches the feedlot, you politely say "Hi would you like to take my cart?" Note here that this move is generally done by gently pushing the cart, using only one hand, to arms length toward the incoming hunter. It may or may not be executed with a slight dainty back thrust of of ones foot. The whole scenario looks a bit like a parking lot ballet. Try to imagine the pageantry of a dozen or more hunters all doing this at one time..I'm telling you it's poetry in motion!
Setting aside the sheer poetry of this maneuver, the whole thing works out quite well. It saves the exiting hungers from an exhausting trip to the cart return stall. It also keeps the incoming hunters from having to risk scraped knuckles and a dislocated shoulder as they attempt to dislodge a cart from the overly compacted rows of them in front of the store.
Ok, so now that you get the picture of supermarket hunting in this area, let me tell you about my experience.
I've lived in this community for a very long time and have witnessed the eloquent One Handed Cart Exchange multiple times. As luck would have it, I've been fortunate enough be on the receiving end of this incredible maneuver countless times. Never though have I been in the right place at the right time to try and execute it from the passer's position. That is, until this weekend.
Here's what happened:
I had just finished some extensive hunting at one of my favorite local grazing spots. It was late in the day. I was overly tired and I had a splitting headache. Both of these factors made me give serious consideration to abandoning the cart in the middle of the parking lot. But, as luck would have it, I happened to see a well dressed woman approaching from further down in the isle of parked cars. "Ahh, it's now or never" I thought "I'll give this One Handed Cart Exchange a try."
As the new huntress approached my vehicle I whirled the cart around with one hand, gave a fanciful little back kick with my left foot and gently pushed the cart out toward her. Next I mustered my best smile and said "Hi, would you like to take my cart? I thought I looked and sounded like an old pro. Apparently not!
The woman whirled on me with a piercing look and said in a truly condescending and disgusting tone "What? For Pete's sake ...Take your own damn cart up...do I look like a cart boy or your servant?" At that moment, I would rather have been a fawn on the Savanna confronting a savage lioness. I have no idea what went so wrong. Maybe I didn't have my arm and leg extended correctly. At any rate, it will be a while before I try the One Handed Cart Exchange maneuver again. Actually I may never try it again. Hunting/shopping..definitely not a sport for the weak at heart.
