Wiley Coyote & The Acme Kit Company Part 1

Wiley Coyote & The Acme Kit Company Part 1
August 15, 2009

There are many reasons living in the country is incredibly satisfying. Even though our ranch is located on a fairly busy highway, the property itself has a park-like setting that provides privacy, serenity and best of all clean country air.

Unfortunately, sometimes even the freshest of country air can become fouled by a tiny black and white guest commonly known as a "skunk."

So there it is...we have a skunk problem. Our elderly local state trapper has been working with me to help eliminate the problem...or so he says. In truth, Trapper John has a rather acute sense of humor and I'm beginning to realize that some of his so-called advise is purely for his own entertainment.

For example, here a while back one of our odoriferous guests managed to somehow slip into the feed room and take up residence behind multiple sacks of chicken feed. I never saw him, but his presence was obvious by the eye-watering perfumed greeting he gave me every time I opened the feed room door.

Naturally I called Trapper John for help. He said he couldn't make it out for a few days but suggested I try setting off a gopher bomb in the feed room. He advised me to set off the gopher bomb, then run like heck, but leave the feed room door open so the skunk would vacate the premises.

Unfortunately all that came out of that fruitless exercise was a worse smelling feed room. The skunk stayed put and expressed his disdain for the smelly gopher bomb by adding some of his own spray to the mix. I've got to tell you that the combination of gopher bomb and skunk essence is not something you ever want to experience. Seriously.

Several other ill-fated attempts at evicting the skunk failed. Then one day in total desperation, and feeling a bit like Wiley Coyote chasing after the Road Runner, I found a company on the Internet that sold what they called a "Beginner Trappers Kit." The kit included a couple of bottles skunk scent lure, a pair of plastic gloves, a short length of chain, and a snare.

Satisfied that I could handle things on my own without the help of Trapper John and his off-the- wall humor, I ordered the kit and paced impatiently waiting for it to arrive . It seemed to take forever. Meanwhile, every morning when I went into the feed room to get chicken feed I was greeted with a blast of skunk essence.

Happily one day, the kit arrived. Unhappily one of the bottles of skunk lure had broken open in transit, and the whole box smelled like the essence of skunk. For some reason that seemed to upset the UPS driver, who more or less kicked the box out of the back of his truck and fled.

Carefully opening the box in the driveway where it landed, I salvaged what I could. I left the box, the wrappings, and the rest of the mess in the driveway while I took the gloves, snare and the remaining bottle of lure into the laundry room to try and wash off some of the putrid smell.

While I was doing that, our two dogs discovered the stinking box and packing papers in the driveway and rolled in them. Apparently dogs have a very different idea of perfume than humans.

Meanwhile, back in the laundry room I was dealing with an ever growing mess of my own. I soon discovered that skunk lure apparently has a higher concentration of oil and washing with even the strongest of detergents does not cut though it. Think of the old adage; Oil and water don't mix. I had skunk oil in the sink, on my hands, the faucet, and on the front of my shirt. Fortunately some time ago I found a great product called "anti-icky-poo" Seriously, that is the name of the product. It's great for skunk oil as well as other offense smells. Unfortunately the lure oil was super concentrated and I had managed to spread it everywhere. My nose was so confused and congested I couldn't tell if the anti-icky-poo was working or not, so I gave up and went into the house.

The dogs apparently had had enough too, because they soon began to scratch at the door. Oblivious to the idea they may have found the box in the driveway, I let them in, and headed to the shower to douse myself with anti-icky-poo, hot water and soap.

Exiting the shower I noted that for some odd reason the house reeked stronger of skunk than it did before I entered the shower. I was baffled until one of the dogs approached grinning and wagging his tail. The closer he got the stronger the smell. Then I knew. I marched the dogs out to the laundry room and doused them with the anti-icky-poo, burned the boxes in a outdoor incinerator, and then shampooed my carpets with anti-icky-poo.

By then, of course, I once again reeked with the skunk oil, so it was back to the shower for me. My husband came home not too long afterward and sniffing the air said "oh oh, who got skunked?" All I could do was glare, he most likely wouldn't have believed my story anyway, then again, he knows he married a Lucille Ball clone.