Anna Graham

One of my daughters Mia Grain gained unwanted fame in one of my earlier posts "Primer on Toilet Training Tots." To keep things fair she feels I should write something about her sister, whom I shall call Anna Graham (anagram) because she seldom means what she says or says what she means.

A side note for those of you who are a bit fuzzy about what an anagram is, let me explain that it is a word or phrase that can be arranged to reveal a hidden message. For example the word anagram can be rearranged into nag a ram.

Now, don't misunderstand Anna Graham is incredibly intelligent, it's just that words sometimes tend to tumble out of her mouth in random order. When this happens if you listen closely you can generally grasp the hidden message. Sometimes it's a bit like going on a verbal treasure hunt.

This story dates back to when the girls were both tweeny-boppers, that amazing age between adolescence and teens. At that time I was working at a Chiropractors office as a physio-therapist.

It wasn't easy juggling between the girls and my job, but it pretty much worked out. I timed my day so that I generally arrived home about the same time the girls did. On occasion however, if traffic was gnarled or I had a difficult patient I ran a few minutes late.

On the rare occasions when I was running late I didn't worry too much. The girls were very responsible and adhered to a strict set of rules such as:

1: Do not answer to door to anyone that is not a close personal friend of mine no matter what they say or do.

2: Limit phone conversations to 3 minutes or less in case I'm trying to call.

3: Check in with our neighbor Mrs. Worth and let her know I'm running late and you will be in the house alone for a very short time.

4: (And this is really the only relevant one here) In case of fire, do not hesitate, run out of the house, do not stop for anything, not even the pets and get to Mrs. Worth's house then call 911.

There were a few other rules, but they are tedious and number 4 is really the only one you need to be made aware of at this time...you may want to back up for a minute and re-read it.

Now let me tell you about the fateful evening in mid December that aged me about a hundred years.

I was running about 20 minutes behind schedule that evening. As I rushed about the office picking up odds and ends and wiggling into my coat the phone rang. I was tempted to neglect it, but because of the lateness of the hour I thought it might be the girls calling to check on me even though I had called them a bit earlier to let them know I was running late.

I hastily snatched up the phone but even before it came in contact with my ear I heard Anna Grahams shrill voice reverberate in my ear "MOM MOM THE HOUSE..IT JUST BLEW UP!"

Trust me when I say those are not words anyone, especially a mother of two home alone preteen daughters, wants to hear.

My heart raced and my throat immediately went dry but I managed to find enough courage to croak out "Are you both ok? Where are you?"

Anna Grahams voice sounded small against the cacophony of wailing sirens in the background "We are ok mom, we are at Mrs. Worth's house.. but MOM.. the house..It just BLEW UP!"

Relieved that my children were alright, but sickened that I had just lost our home I reached for the back of a chair to steady myself before I said "Put Mrs. Worth on the phone."

There was a moment of silence then Anna Graham tearfully told me that our little silver miniature Schnauzer "Dolly" didn't make it out of the house.

Dolly was an intricate part of our family in fact I called her my DOGter, and the news hit me hard, but I managed to say "oh.. ahhh..." before I ran out of words.

Anna Graham, now crying harder said "MOM...maybe I should go back and try and get her."

"NO NO!" I shouted "Absolutely not! Do Not go back to the house. I'll be home in just a while, it will be ok."

I heard more sirens blaring in the background and Anna Graham said "Mom the police just got here, should I have them get Dolly for us?"

"NO" I shouted "Absolutely not you both stay put!" I calmed myself a bit and added "Put Mrs. Worth on the phone."

After a minutes hesitation while she cleared her sobs, Anna Graham informed me that Mrs. Worth was out back talking to the firemen.

"OK , ok " I said.."Promise me you will stay put do NOT go outside, do NOT try to get back in the house... I'll be right there!

With that I hung up the phone, raced to my car and peeled out of the parking lot. I broke every speed limit and violated every driving law on the book..I know this because about 2/3rds of the way home I picked up a Highway Patrol car hot on my tail with his lights flashing and his siren wailing . I glanced in my rear view mirror, but decided I just couldn't take the time to stop. I kept imagining Anna Graham trying to rescue Dolly. I sped on...Nothing was going to keep me from my burning home and frightened children...nothing.

Very shortly a second and then a third Highway Patrol joined the high speed parade. I broke into a sweat and fought back nausea. It was all too much for my delicate nervous system. My sense of justice tole me I should stop but my sense of motherhood made me drive faster and faster. Surely once we arrived at my destroyed house the police would understand.

Cresting a small hill about 5 blocks from my house I saw billows of black smoke pushing against the darkening sky. Every nerve in my body was so on edge that my teeth were chattering. Tears flooded my eyes and washed down my cheeks soaking the front of my coat. This was the absolute worst tragedy of my life.

Finally I flew around the corner on my block with my tires squealing and caught the first gimps of my home... To my uncomprehending eyes there it stood...completely in tact just as I had left it that morning.

I slid sideways into my driveway and slammed the car into park. It took me a minute to comprehend it was NOT my house that was on fire, it was the house directly BEHIND mine. As the police piled out of their vehicles Anna Grahams voice rewound and played again and again in my ear "MOM MOM THE HOUSE..IT JUST BLEW UP!"

THE house, she hadn't said OUR house. Everything began to spin violently around me. I remember reaching for the car door handle and then everything went black.

I awoke with my daughters and Mrs. Worth peering wide eyed at me through the double doors at the back of an ambulance. My next awareness was of the ambulance attendant asking me if I knew my name , what day it was and what the name of the president was.. I had no idea.

They treated me for shock. I think I still suffer from Post Traumatic Syndrome. Raising two daughters that I feel free to call Mia Grain and Anna Graham has taken a serious toll on me.

Ok..so the bottom line is I went to court to fight the more than eight hundred dollars worth of traffic tickets. When I explained my long winding tale to the judge everyone in the court room had a good laugh.

Apparently the judge had no sense of humor and obviously didn't have pre-teen children, because he said "Having Anna Graham for a daughter and speeding home to a house that did NOT blow up is not a legitimate excuse for endangering your life and the lives of others, it's bad judgment on your behalf. The fines stand, you may pay the bailiff on your way out."

I remember thinking that he should live with Anna Graham for a few years and see how it affected HIS judgment!