The Bear Horn

As I've previously mentioned in: Bears Make Strange Fireside Guests, my husband Bruce and I enjoy backwoods camping. Our little 1976 CJ-7 Jeep has taken us to places few other humans have ever seen...mostly because they don't want to but also because these remote and isolated places are very difficult to get to.

Because we are seasoned campers, trackers, and fond viewers of nature, we always, always take the necessary precautions when we venture into the remote wilderness. By necessary precautions I mean a handgun, rifle, various knives, and hatchets...oh and a first-aid kit. The first aid-kit is there mainly in case we do harm to our own bodies with the handgun, rile, various knives, and hatchets.

Our most important precaution is a survival tool my husband invented, call "The Bear Horn". This handy little gadget is a devise that remotely activates the horn on the Jeep. It's really quite ingenious. One end of a long wire is attached to the Jeeps battery. The other end has a big red button mounted on a short piece of wood. When the big red button is pressed, the horn on the Jeep sounds. At night we string the wire from the Jeep into our tent. If we are ever attacked by a savage Grizzly Bear or a hungry Mountain Lion all we have to do is reach over take hold of "The Bear Horn" and depress the button. The horn on the Jeep responds by beeping loudly and the animal either dies from sudden heart failure or flees in utter terror.

Even though we've never had to actually use it, Bruce always, without fail, consistently, rigs "The Bear Horn" and as a precaution he double checks to make sure it is functioning properly. He never fails. Never!

So, here's what happened one fateful night deep in the backwoods of Northern Montana near the Canadian border.

We had enjoyed a long day of hiking and photographing the surrounding area and when nightfall came we were both beat, so we snuggled deep in our sleeping bags and immediately fell asleep.

Now here is an interesting phenomenon between Bruce and I. I sleep very light throughout the night. I can hear a pin drop or an acorn fall from a tree half a mile away. However, as soon the first hint of daylight begins to break I sleep like a rock. Bruce is just the opposite. He sleeps solid and sound though the night but at the first hint of dawn he sleeps very light.

So on this night, as always I slept light and heard every pine needle fall...but by the dawns early light I slipped deep into sleep. Suddenly I felt a sharp jab in the middle of my back. As I fought for consciousness, there was a brief pause and then another sharper jab to my back. I tried to ask Bruce what he thought he was doing but he roughly clamped one hand over my mouth and in a high-pitched shrieking whisper he hissed "Bear!" Before I could react Bruce wrenched my head around to show me the silhouette of a very large bear reflecting on the side of our tent.

Bears are big. No doubt about it, but when you are laying flat on the ground looking up at ones shadow I have to tell you it is heart attack time! Bruce still had one hand over my mouth and I now noticed he had the other one over his own mouth as well. Through his cold clammy clamped hand I manged to mumble " Bear Horn!" He shook his head and hissed though his teeth "I forgot to set it up last night!"

I reached up and I pulled his hand away from my mouth.."OK "I said in a hissing whisper.." Don't panic. The guns! where's the guns ?" Bruce shook his head and Hissed back "In the jeep with the horn." In a faint voice I squeaked "Knives? hatchet? fingernail clippers?" All Bruce could do was shake his head. We had no way to defend ourselves.

We watched in stunned silence as the bear put one very large paw on the side of the tent about 12 inches from Bruce's face. It pushed gently and apprehensively. We were helpless. We knew we were about to become bear breakfast, and there was nothing we could do about it. We were stupidly trapped in our tent.

Now, we are not novice campers, although we would have been hard pressed to prove it on that fateful trip. We also know a few rules about bears encounters, even though it's always anybody's guess as to whether or not the bears know the rules and abide by them.

Rule 1 is that if you encounter a black bear make noise and scare it off (Ok, that sometimes works. Sometimes it doesn't) Rule 2 is that if you happen upon a Grizzly don't make noise because screaming and yelling only makes them mad...very very mad. So our dilemma here was that we hadn't studied bear silhouettes and therefore couldn't tell if we were dealing with a Black bear or a Grizzly. Then again, you have to seriously ask yourself; If you are about to be eaten by a bear...does it really matter which it is?

The bear switched paws and one again pressed tentatively against the wall of the tent. Apparently it had never seen a big dome shaped object in the middle of its territory before and it was curious. Then it lowered it's paw and pushed hard into the tent with its big nose, sniffed and snorted loudly.

In a flash and without thinking Bruce recoiled his arm, made a fist and smashed it directly into the bears nose. Oh My God! It was the last thing I expected Bruce to do... apparently it was the last thing the bear expected as well because it withdrew a several steps, and let out a deafening roar then fell silent. So very very silent.

We grabbed hold of each other in a tight hug and waited. Nothing happened. Several heartbeats passed and still nothing. Slowly Bruce got to his knees and crawled to the door of the tent. He reached up and quietly inched the door zipper down. "Holy Shit" he hissed through clinched teeth "Grizzly sow!" then with a sharp intake he added "and 2... maybe 3 cubs"

For another minute he didn't say anything more so I whispered "What's happening? What are they doing? Why aren't we dead?" He turned and looked at me..all the color had drained from his face and said "She's taking them away...down the trail we walked yesterday." I got to my knees and joined him peeking out the doorway. Amazingly we saw the back end of 3 bears trotting down the pathway away from our camp.

And now..Part 2: God's Great Sense of Humor!

When our hearts began beating normally and we were totally convinced the bears were long gone we shouted prayers of thanks and popped open a thermos of hot coffee. We were in complete and total awe that we had survived an encounter with a grizzly sow and her cubs... even after Bruce punched her in the nose with all his might. By all accounts we both should be dead. Apparently the sow had never encountered humans or a tent and was totally confused by it all.

But never let it be said that God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Even though I knew the Grizzly sow and her cubs were long gone, I still chose to sit with my back snug against a large Pine tree for protection. As I sipped coffee my thoughts drifted to the part where Bruce punched the sow in the nose. Just thinking about it set my nerves on edge.

Suddenly and silently a very large pine cone broke loose from somewhere high above and fell hitting me squarely on top of my head. It happened so silently and quickly that I didn't realize it was only a Pine Cone. I thought the Grizzly had returned! I let out a blood curdling, heart stopping scream, whirled around and punched the tree as hard as I could. Bruce laughed hysterically and said "Doesn't God have a great sense of humor?" Yeah, right!