A Primer on Toilet Training Tots

Gather round young parents and let me tell a tale that will make your hearts grow weak and your flesh grow pale.

This is a brief primer on toilet training young tots...or maybe how not to toilet train young tots. Either way you look at it, it's advice that should be given due consideration.

I'm reaching back many years here, but as with all my tales, this one is completely true. It has taken me this long to share it publicly because only now do I feel I've begun to recover.

This particular story takes place when one of our daughters was still a toddler. I'll insert a fictitious name here to spare her undue embarrassment, even though embarrassing her a little would be fair and reasonable payback for the many embarrassing moments and headaches she's bestowed on me throughout the years. Ahh there you have it! I'll use the name Heda Ache, that's appropriate. Come to think of it, Mya Grain is even better!

Alright, now that I've laid that bit of ground work, let me tell you what happened. My husband and I had recently purchased a small 2 bedroom 1 bath home. It was a nice home but it bordered on being a "Fixer-Upper." The bathroom needed the most attention. The fixtures were not only outdated, they were a gaudy pink. Someone had painted the walls a shocking green that was more of a chartreuse, and the floor covering was yellow and blue floral patterned linoleum The whole affect was dizzying.

We ripped out the linoleum, and painted the walls, but the pink fixtures still left a lot to be desired. The only one who really like them was our daughter Mya Grain. She had learned to talk and walk prematurely but for some reason she could not grasp the idea of "potty training" and yet the bathroom was her favorite room in the house.

We decided to blame her slow comprehension of the process on the pink bathroom fixtures because every time she went in there she would look around nod her head happily and say "Pink. Pink. Pink. " but that was as far as it went. She loved to bathe in her pink tub, and she loved to wash her little hands in the pink wash basin, but the toilet.. well, other than the neat sound it made when it flushed, seemed to be a complete mystery to her.

So we saved our money and one day we went shopping for new fixtures. We'd hit several stores and after a bit I asked Mya Grain if she needed to "go potty." She looked around and said "Pink. Pink. Pink." Several stops at public restrooms only ended in frustration as she repeated her mantra of: "Pink. Pink. Pink."

All in all our trip was informative and it had not been wasted. Our heads were spinning with wonderful remodeling ideas but unfortunately they all outweighed our budget. We decided to make a final stop at a Sears Super Appliance Store that also sold kitchen and bath fixtures.

....and here is why I can't go into a sears appliance store today without flushing with embarrassment.

As parents often do we shared keeping an eye on Mya Grain. One minute she was holding tightly onto my hand and the next she was holding tightly on to her fathers hand. Suddenly I look at my husbands empty hands and said "WHERE is Mya Grain?" He spun around and looked my my empty hands and said "I thought you were holding on to her." I twirled in circles as my heart beat violently in my ears and tears welled up. I didn't see her anywhere.

Our attention was suddenly drawn to a rather large group of people all gathered around one section of fixtures and appliances. They were laughing uproariously. We assumed there was some sort of demonstration going on...and there was!

A few people shifted to one side a bit and as they parted I saw Mya Grain gleefully perched on a display toilet. Her panties were down around her ankles and her feet swung back and forth as she sang through a giggle.... "Pink. Pink. Potty Pink. Potty Pink."

I can not find words to tell you how embarrassed I was. I also can not tell you how embarrassed her father was because he fled out a side door shouting "Get YOUR daughter!"

Well, what to do? Scream? Cry? Flee? Faint? Encourage? Even though it was so very much the wrong place and the wrong time our dear Mya Grain had successfully achieved "potty training."

I did a slow dazed zombie walk toward her. I really did not want to admit she was my daughter but what else could I do. I briefly considered just leaving her there, but I quickly dismissed my need for self-preservation. Still, I envied my cowardice husband and wished I could have followed him out the door. Perspiration dripped from every pore in my body and my face flushed so badly I thought I was going to faint. Never in my life had I been so embarrassed. Seriously never. When she saw me she held her tiny arms open wide and squealed with sheer delight "Momma! Potty! Big Girl!" and clapped her chubby little toddler hands together and giggled! OH how proud she was!

Now, Lean in even closer young parents while I tell you the moral of this tale...Never ever assume the other parent is watching your toddler when you are out in public. This is especially true if you are in a fixture or appliance store. A single split second of distraction can change your life forever..and ever...and ever. Note how red my face is with embarrassment even now.