So long as I'm on the subject of cats, I may as well confess that a while back I raised purebred Manx cats. They are the ones that have a very short stubby tail and fairly long pointed ears. I like them because they don't have the snooty attitude most cats have, in fact their personality is more like a dogs.I enjoyed raising them, but dealing with the potential new owners often became a bit tedious. Here's what I mean:
I sold a beautiful female orange tabby kitten to an elderly woman who, instead of taking it home with her, asked if she could leave it here at the ranch until she could make an appointment with her vet to have it spayed. I was ok with that idea.
That evening she called and requested that the kitten not be fed for 12 hours prior to pick up, so it would be ready for surgery the next afternoon. I was ok with that idea as well.
The next morning, as was part of my custom when sending a new kitten home, I bathed her and vaccinated her. It went well considering she had not been given any dinner the night before or breakfast that morning. Some cats like water, some don't. She didn't.
At the appointed time, the new owner arrived with a wicker cat carrier looped over one arm. The carrier was quite fancy, and was even furnished with a plush purple velvet pad. In the woman's hand I saw a tiny black velvet box. The kind that very expensive jewelry come in. I was curious but said nothing as we exchanged niceties about the weather.
I then presented her with her new kitten. She bubbled with joy and busted with pride, every thing seemed to be going well.... until she handed the kitten back to me and said "I'd like you to do one more thing for me dear." She paused and flashed a big warm smile "I'd like you to pierce little Mona's right ear and put this diamond earring in it."
With that she flipped open the lid of the mysterious little black box to revel what appeared to be a 1/2 karat stud diamond earring, nestled deep in a silk lining. The sun danced off it and nearly blinded me. I giggled at what I thought was a joke.
"Excuse me?" I asked "You are not serious are you?" She looked at me like I was the village idiot and quipped "Of Course I'm serious!" I studied her face for signs of a joke, but saw none. She was dead on serious.
"Oh, well" I stammered "I think that is a job for your vet, I've never done anything like that before."
"Don't be silly dear" she retorted, "I've done it a thousand times, just take the end of your syringe needle and poke a little hole, clean it with alcohol and pop the earring in...simple!"
Well ok. I'm thinking ' If you've done it a thousand times why don't you do it now. Instead I said, "No seriously, I'm not comfortable with doing this."
She raised her eyebrows and said "There is nothing to it, I'd do it but look at my hands!" I looked at her hands, and saw they were bent with arthritis. My heart softened a bit, but my head kept telling me to run like heck from this deal. The clincher came when she said "If you can't do it then I can't buy Mona!"
That did it. She hit a soft spot, I needed the money. "Alright" I sighed, "But you'll have to walk me though it." She smiled and calmly held the cat while I prepared a fresh needle and sterilized the stud part of the earring with alcohol. When I was ready I took a deep breath and said "Again, I want you to know that I am not a veterinarian. I'm worried about infections and that sort of thing." "Not to worry dear" she smiled "Like I said I've done it a thousand times and I know how to care for healing ears, I won't hold you responsible. Besides nothing can go wrong " (Author's note: remember those words)
I exhaled and said "OK, here we go then, hold her tightly." Her eyes flashed wide open and she said "Oh no..Goodness NO, I couldn't do that! I could never watch you poking a hole in little Mona's ear!"
I crossed my eyes and said "But ..." by then she was halfway out the door "But wait" I called "You said you've done this a thousand times before!" Her voice faded as she fled the room but I heard her say "Good Grief NO! I've never done it to a kitty dear, just children!" My heart stopped beating.
Well, alright, how difficult could it be. (Author's note: remember those words) I had marked a little X where she wanted the piercing done. I mean seriously here. I've given tons of kittens and puppies their vaccinations, how much more difficult could it be to poke one tiny hole in a cats ear.
I think it was about then that the kitten got suspicious. It extended its claws and braced itself on the table. Maybe it was the smell of the alcohol swab that tipped it off. Maybe it was just hungry or maybe it was the smell of my fear...what ever it was, it put the kitten in a guarded sate of mind. Me too.
I gently but firmly grasped the kitten and started to insert the needle. The kitten would have no part of it. She managed to violently squirm out of my grasp. In so doing she tipped over the bottle of alcohol and sent the needle flying.
Plan B: I picked up the bottle of alcohol and placed it on the table, noting that only about 2/3rd was remaining. I opened a new needle and crawled under the table to retrieve the cat. This time I tried a new tactic. I wedged the kitten carefully against the wall with one arm to give me a little better control. No good. The minute she felt the first light prick of the needle she was airborne. The momentum sent the alcohol thudding once again to the floor. The needle however found a new resting place...in my finger.
I called to the owner for assistance but she waved me off and said "You can do it."
Plan C: I picked up the now half empty bottle of alcohol, put a Band-aid on my finger, got another new needle, and looked under the table for the kitten. She was gone. I crawled around on my hands and knees softly calling the traditional "here kitty kitty, here sweet little kitty" but she was nowhere to be seen. How could a person lose a kitten? Well, of course a person couldn't and I eventually found her.
My new plan was to sit in a chair and firmly but gently hold the kitten between my knees giving me use of both hands. Amazingly that plan did work. The needle went nicely into the cats ear at precisely the same time the the cats teeth went into my left knee. It was painful, but at least I was still holding on to her so things were looking up. I ignored the blood running down my leg.
The rest would be easy. All I had to do was pull the needle out, swab the ear again and insert the diamond stud. The kitten didn't seem to be in any pain, she just seemed down-right mad. None-the-less, I was able to take her by the nape of the neck and place her on the table. Next, tried to sooth her a bit before taking the next step.
After a brief calming period for both of us, I reached for the diamond stud. To my horror there was nothing there but an empty black box. The big beautiful and very expensive diamond earring was gone. I broke into a sweat. I felt dizzy and nauseous.
I didn't want to put the kitten down because she still had the needle dangling in her ear, and I didn't want to let the new owner know the diamond was missing. I knew I was in some pretty serious trouble here. Dollar signs began to dance in my eyes as I thought about having to replace the diamond earring..maybe it was just the squiggles that come prior to a fierce migraine. It doesn't matter which, the point is I was seeing stars because I was in a total panic. I did what a lot of women do when they are in total panic. I cried.
I dropped to my knees feeling around with my left hand while dangling the kitten from my right hand. For a fleeting moment I considered carrying the kitten in my mouth the way mother cats do so I could have both hands free to feel around for the earring. I quickly dismissed the idea however, when I remembered the needle dangling from the cats ear. I know lip piercing is in style, but it's just not me.
I think I understand what people mean when they say they were in a blind panic. Nervous sweat was rolling down my forehead, and into my eyes causing me to blink wildly. What a sight it must have been.
Just then my neighbor came in the back door, took one look at me and barked "What in god's name are you doing woman ?" As I explained through my Lucille Ball like sobs, she tossed me a towel, took the kitten, and in a flash spotted the earring on the floor. With her help sweet little Mona soon had her earring in place and was riding down the driveway in the front seat of her new owners car. I waved weakly and pulled out three more Band-aids for my bleeding knee.
Later as I sat and sipped coffee with the neighbor. We considered opening a cat ear-piercing parlor. Who knows it could be a multi-million dollar business...minus the expense of Band-aids.
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