It's always good to know as much about your enemy as you can, so I consulted old Trapper John who gave me a brief rundown on the life and times of skunks. Now Trapper John is a good guy and I really wanted to believe him, but what he was telling me sounded a bit bizarre. Since he had toyed and joked with me in the past I decided to take a run to the local library to double check facts. Now I wish I hadn't.
You see the truth of the matter is that skunks have a territory of about one and a half to two miles that they roam in the spring and summer months. That part is ok, I would very much appreciate it if they stayed that far away from me. Apparently, from March to November (time approx. in our area) they live in small "families" which usually consist of one male and a little harem of one or two females. That's fine, to each his own, live and let live and all that.
However there is more, and this is where things get very interesting; In the winter they resort to communal living. They live in ancient established burrows that are 4 to 6 feet deep and anywhere from 6 to 20 feet long. Often 20 to 40 skunks will pack together and winter over for warmth, protection and ....well, romantic interludes.
In the spring anywhere from 8 to 10 babies are born to every female down in that cozy commune. When spring comes, they are supposed to wander off into the woods to enjoy their "family" lives as mentioned above. If they would just do that, things wouldn't be to bad around here. Regrettably, in my case they wander around the ranch stealing chicken eggs and attacking chickens in the dead of the night, and spraying me. That tends to rile me a bit. When winter comes they snuggle back in the same established warm winter den to sleep and have their romantic interludes and the cycle goes on and on, and apparently on and on some more, generation after generation. (Do you have a calculator?)
So now I know what I have to deal with. I don't have one skunk, I have a whole territorial army of them that wander in droves around the ranch at night. Apparently this ranch has been blessed with very romantically inclined skunks who have established an ancestral den under the chicken shed. Who knows how many decades its been there!
I'm worried, and rightly so. What if I go out some night and they surround me. If the spray from one skunk is noxious what would the spray from 8 or 10 skunks do? I pretty sure it could be fatal. The local newspaper headlines would read "Local woman dies from overdose of skunk inhalation" How embarrassing!
On the other hand I also read that they are timid and shy and generally peace loving little commune dwellers. That helps somewhat, I'm trying to think of them as displaced "hippies" from the 60's and 70's. When you think about it, their little white stripe does look a bit like a "hippie" headband of sorts.
I wonder if I get down on my hands and knees and look under the chicken shed if I would see a bunch of miniature dilapidated V.W. vans with peace symbols and psychedelic flowers painted on them. Do they sit cross legged and strum tiny dulcimers? Do they name their children "Golden Leaf" and "Puffy Cloud?" It's all really very interesting, in a scary kind of way.
Anyway, back to a few more interesting facts. Apparently skunks are members of the weasel family (that figures.) Their Latin name is Mephits, which means noxious gas. (No kidding? What brilliant ancient scholar came up with that name?)
Now for the little detail that sent me scampering to my dresser to check out my perfume bottles. Believe it or not, skunk oil is somehow de-scented and then used in manufacturing the very most expensive perfumes. Yah, that one made my head spin too. Apparently sunk oil has the best holding/staying power of any oil in the universe . I can vouch for that one first hand. Take my word for it skunk oil last and lasts for a very long time. Thank god for the Anti-Icky-Poo company!
The last tid-bit of information I picked up, is that apparently skunk meat is very tasty. You will never get a personal testimony out of me on that one. I don't have even the slightest inclination to taste skunk meat. Which brings me to a curious question: Who was brave enough or desperate enough to be the first to even think about eating one? Maybe it was the brilliant ancient scholar who named them noxious gas? Seriously, if you are serving skunk for dinner tonight, please do not invite me over.
No comments:
Post a Comment